I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
