Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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