Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
