So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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