The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
