Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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