She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
