My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
