Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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