woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
