The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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