If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
