Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
being pregnant is like rehab
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
