i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So squirting runs in the family.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
