Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
