yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
