I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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