My sheets look like a crime scene.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
