Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
