is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
my poor anus
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
