Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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