soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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