I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
