I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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