I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
3 2 1 whiskey
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
