how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
