Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
