We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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