In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
