I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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