i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
