never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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