My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found puke in my bra..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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