I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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