I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize