like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
