Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
