Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
