Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
