I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
