Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
