dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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