Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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