if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
