I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
