Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Randomize
