Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
