i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
