I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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