you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
