hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
