he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
