We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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