The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
