I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
