i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
