So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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