the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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