My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
