I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
