I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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