i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
