he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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