i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
