I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
