my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
