Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
