Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
