and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
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I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
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I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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