please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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