last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize