I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
