I love black thongs
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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