Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm getting married
To pizza
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
