you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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