Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
try to milk me bitch
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