so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
