You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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