Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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