tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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