Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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