I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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