He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
