i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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