Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i now understand why vodka
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
