You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
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hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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