you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
